Jul. 5th, 2010

kellista: (Default)
my life feels like a mean-spirited joke today. there is no coherence beneath the surface, waiting to be touched by awareness or set free. there is a script that was set years ago and repeats with variations in intensity and clarity and it doesn't matter how aware i am or anyone is of it. there is no valuable lesson to capture or transmit. there is no transcendence or potential for camaraderie. there is only cliche and dread and the sound of my voice echoing my failings in my head and amplifying itself, slow and under its own control, neverending feedback, malignant and unparticular. it was once sad to me that this is the dominant feature of who i am but is now just so boring. i would like to care about myself at least enough to avoid total humiliation before i dry up and die but not so much that the continual and constitutional lack bother me too much. ha. the joke is most assuredly on me.

Profile

kellista: (Default)
kellista

April 2011

S M T W T F S
     12
3456789
1011121314 1516
17 18 19 20212223
24252627282930

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 22nd, 2017 02:25 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios